[26]

i miss you.

[25]

^ that picture explains everything. not gonna lie. if you know anything about my life, you'd know what or .. who thats aimed towards. but whatever. can't change the past, obviously can't change the future. it takes two people for everything to get fixed out. i'm done trying. gave you so many chances. seems like you don't even care, and i wouldnt doubt it if you dont. so that means i'm not gonna either. at all, untill you show you do. seems fair to me. i don't see any good in this if i'm just pissed about it all the time. xo.

[24]

i haven't wroteeee. haha. ohwell. not much has been going on. my life kinda sucks, alot. i went to the mall with amanda and simone. that was pretty fun. i gotta new jacket and a pair of moccosins that i've wanted for a while. i'm actually in such a bad mood. you make me kinda miserable. true. good thing you don't even realize it anymore. and prolly don't even think about half this shit. whatever yo. i'll be like this for a while. i think im gonna sleep or something. goodnight.

[23]

i don't feel like writing anything. i feel like crap basically. i really just want to sleep. went to school, left early and went to the doctors. and i've been home since. i'm not really sick. i found a BUNCH of cool pictures, so maybe i'll edit past blogs that i didnt have pictures for. i owe mikeh a blog too. i'm most likely doing absolulty nothing tomorrow. so i'll do that then, even though i was supposed to do it fer today. :x i think i might go sleeep. goodnight. xo.

[22]

ohhai. today was pretty decent, considering i still feel like death. uh well. ^ favorite song. that song, and this girl i guess we're friends lmao, made me realize how much i miss my bestfriend, true life. i thought about it, and things werent supposed to get as fucked up as they did. and we both let it get outtta control and i miss how everything USED to be, and it needs to be that way again. anyways, everythings good now. i learned the intro to my heroine on guitar yesterday <33333. and my stepmom said she'd take me to legit get my lip pierced. so exciting. i got a fishy, named oliver.... on my phone. from dave. lmfao, that made me laugh a litttle bit. i really don't have much to say. i think ima go play guitar and whatever. i'll write tomorrrah :D xo.

[21]

uhh, hey. i haven't updated this in so long. lmao, this is such a fail. i think i'm gonna try and start writing again. >_< whats happened? not much. school is so lame, today we had the PSATs. i think that was the most pointless test i've ever taken, considering the fact that i guessed on half of it.. how lovely. the math was kind of easy, the english.. not so much. maybe cause we didnt start doing practice english SATs in SAT prep. again, lamest clast EVER. the bell schedule is all messed up today, so i have no idea what time this period ends, but i'll write till i can, and then edit later :D i got a new ipod. i love it, its 160GB. more then i'll prolly ever need, but its a classic, i've wanted one of those for a while, instead of a nano or the itouch, which is completly pointless. hm, whatelse is there to say? OH. "once a whore, you're nothing more. i'm sorry that will never change." how cliche, that applys to some girl, shesa whore. and honestly, i think my friend can do much better then her. but she makes him happy, so i guess thats all that matters, dispite everyone elses opinions, he still went for it. so i'm happy for him. my home life has been REALLY lame, i was fighting with my mom alot last week, and almost left the house. yesterday i had to go to a doctor to talk to him about all this depression stufff, basically stuff needs to be fixed at home. so now ontop of the therapy i go to now, every other week, he suggested family therapy. i'm Soooooooooooooo psyched for that. cantcha tell? i mean i get to be with my two favorite people... my stepdad and my mom, telling them what i dont like about them, or something of that sort. i guess i can enjoy that, to an extent. i'll talk to my therapist about it today, and what she thinks. i'm not one to talk very much though, to my mom or anyone like that. we'll see where that goes, and i'll keep ya updated. UHM, i love you a little bit. hahahahahahahhaa. 8 more minutes of this period? i think i'll go [: i'll edit about the rest of my day a little later. xo.


edit: uhhey. therapy sucked. i passed out for like 2 hours. went to therapy and guitar. and now i'm doing absolutly nothing. i feel like crap. not gonna lie. i think ima shower, and sleep. and not go to school tomorrow :D :D :D bai. <3

[20]

so. i've been pretty lame at keeping up with this, this week. aha. well. for one i guesss everything with you got so much better. we're actuallly talking, how we used to. but not. idunnno. whys everything have to be so damn complicated? i actaully got really sidetracked, but i haz to get ready for school. i'll edit later, or make a new post. haha. xo.

[19]

hm. i feel like shit right now. aha. i don't really have much to say. today was interesting, i met bring me the horizon, and everytime i die :D bring me the horizon was so so so so so so nice. that was exciting since theyre one of my favorites. oli was really chilll. the lead singer of etid was a dick though. x_x whatever. i have a masssive headache. i'ma sleeeep. night xo.

[18]

remembering, everything,
about my world and when you came.
wondering, the change you'd bring,
means nothing else would be the same.
did you know, what you were doing, did you know.
did you know how you would move me well,
i don't really think so.
but the night came down and swept us away.
and the stars they seemed,
to paint the most elaborate scene today.
how could we know? that song, this show,
we'd learn so much about ourselves.
from toledo, to tokyo,
the words were scribed on every page,
and now there's books up on our shelves.
did you know how you would move us, did you know?
when the lights first came upon us,
and we saw the everglow.
and the moment's magic swept us away.
and the young mans dream was almost seen so plain.
when was the night
that showed us the sign?
revealed in the sky, to leave all behind.
but where to begin? throwing caution to the wind,
we reached for the stars, everything was now ours.
did you know how you would move me, did you know?
did you know how you would move me?
well, i don't even think so.
but the moment's magic swept us away.
and it's so close, but we're so far away.
it's so close, but we're so far away.

[17]

i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you 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i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you.


thats all i have to say. bye.

[16]

today was EH. i pierced my lip :D ^ SEEE. it hurt like a FUCKKKKKER. we'll see how long that last till i get caught with it or something like that. i'm PRETTY sure its infected. but whatever. thats what i get for doing it myself. this morning mike drove alexa and i to school, good times ' GETON THE BUS BARBIE ' ' wait, do i go in the left or the right lane? ' ' I DONT KNOW I DONT DRIVE YOU FUCK ' ' WE WENT THE WRONG WAY.... ohhhhhhhhh that turn. thats why we're late ' LMFAO. i love them <333333. uhh. i had a test, and a quiz. i prolly failed both. maybe i should start some of my homework? ahaha. that'd be legit. i have a project too. lovely. i'll edit later? :D <3

[15]

uh, i cant really write for today. it sucked. i didnt really do anything. school > home > thank you cards > therapy > tacobell > home > cleaning room for rest of night. ahaha. f0shiz. bye.

[14]

lulz. today was mucho interesting. it was pretty good for the most part. people piss me off though.. just a little bit. school SUCKED. well, no it wasn't terrible persay. just like some parts. i stayed after wif alexa and mikeh :D twas fun. then alexa came here, mikeh was supposed to go with us but he wasnt allooowed. lame.alexa and i walked and got pizza and then stayed at my house. we went on stickam:D! and then we peirced our ears. lolol funnniest shit ever. we're retarded. i have 9 earrrings nao. yumm. i need to go. do my homework s o MAYBE i get up for schoool. PEACEE xo.

[13]

HAY. we had no school today :D uh so inna week i'm going to meet bring me the horizon wif my best friend mikeh! i'm pretty excited since theyre one of my favorite bands, they all seem like they'd be really nice. idunno what to get signed tho DX my picture won't upload. lulz. today was ....... interesting. lets just leave it at that. i could explain it, but i'm not gonna. lulz. whatever. i need to sleep, and i need to study. good thing i had a 3 day weekend to do that. i'm cool. OH. and i need to make mikeh his bracelet. lulz so i can give him it when i see him inna morning :D! WELL, i guess thats basically it. goodnight. xo.

[12]

so another post about the weekend yo. friday was hollys party. i didnt really want to go since i didnt know anyone besides alexa and lindsey. i made new friends :D kelsey and shani. they're both really nice, we were talling on the way home from the party. saturday was lame, we had a party for my dad / brother :D alexa went with me to my dads for the weekend, so it was kinda fun. and then today, i did basically nothing. we bought a SHIT load of icecream. now i'm on stickam wif my bestfriends :D ahah. theyre alll cracked out. i love them tho. NO SCHOOL TOMORROW :D i get to sleep late. my blogs are kinda suckish recently. maybe i'll start writing more. ahaha. for now imma talk to some peoples and then go to sleep. bai ! <3

[11]

hmmm, we have like 5 minutes left. i took a print screen :D ^thats what i did today. haha when you click the command button that says ' senses fail ' the picture shows up [: edit later. bai <3

edit: uh i'm bored. i came home from school and did basically nothing. i played guitar for a little. i'm starving. my mom still isnt home. she had to bring my aunt to her first chemo treatment :| hopefully she gets home soon. i did really bad on my math test. wooooot. my teacher hates me. and i couldn't stay after to do corrections cause my mom wasn't home D: ohwells. i think shesa be back soon... 20 minutes later. shes still not home. wtf. ANYWAYS. work is lame. people don't answer my texts till like 10pm cause theyy have work. hahahaha. ANNNYWAYS. i should prolly study and stuff. oh, as fer yew. i dunno what to think. aha. you seem like you like me, but i never ACTUALLY talked to you. like i've seen you in school. but never had a conversation with you, yet i text you all the time. hmm. maybe i should work on that? aha. welll, whatever. i guess we'lll have to seeee. MOMMYS HOME. i'll write tommorrow, or later [:

[10]

UH. short post f0shiz. today was kinda good, i ' ran ' the mile today...... i got like 13:57. just passed. my hair got to be a mess, and it was gross. but besides that it wasn't terrible. i kinda love you, a little bit. haha you make me laugh... kinda. xD funnny shiz, i saw you today! i cr33p you. not. but yanno, whatever you wanna think. we talk for about ........ 7 hours? non stop. thats legit brooo. whatever, i'm not gonna be completely head over heels for you cause face it, you PROLLY don't like me or whatevvs. mommmysa shu t the router off nao. GOODNIGHT [:

[9]

hmmmm. in schoool again, visual basic programming f0shiz. ahha i didn't see you yet today and i usually do. i'm thinking your avoiding me, but after last night you shouldn"t be. iduuuno. i'm dissapointed in you, thats nothing new. periods ovarr!

edit: i'm home [: so i had the weirdest day ever. ahhaha, i'm not as dissapointed now, english went by really fast, we watched a movie. vbp was boring. spanish was ehhhhh, forensics was eh. LOL after forensics was interesting. lunch is always interesting, then i had double trig and went home :D now, i'm putting posters up in my room, and watching nightmare before christmas <333333 favorite movie. ever. ^ that would have to be one of my favorite scenes. i have a pster of jack on my wall :D i'll make another edit later. bai!

[8]

THIS NEVER POSTEDD [:

hmmmm, i'm writing this in school :) theres really nothing to do here, and i stayed after. today went y pretty slow. i fell asleep writing another blog, that i'm gonna post later, its about 4 pages on word? so i figurted i'd post that when i get home yanno? i dont even have it saved on my computer for school. the ell just rang implying that i need to go leave for the late bus in lke 5 minutes. i got goldfish <3 haha. welllllllls, anyways. time to go. i'll make an edit later :D

edit:i wrote a whole thing, aimed towards someone, and it was up here, but idunno. what if the wrong people read it again? then i'm slightly screwed. so i'll just leave it at whatever i said. hahah. today was pretty good. i was wif alexa :D we made cupcakes. lmao, we're weird. she left around 09. i'm kind of glad everythings ' fixed ' between us. whatever. ima shower & sleeep.

[7]

damn, i missed yesterdays post. rofl. lame. i'll write this weekend in a post. i guess that'd be easier. saturday was lame. i went to my dads at 9. like i do every week. it sucks i hate waking up early. christi, james and willl came over at like 4? and we made smores. :D i think we're the only people that would make smores at 4. true. haha. at around 7 christi and will picked me up and we went back to aunt paulines [ christi & james' house ] and met up with a few people that christi and james are friends with and went to a haunted house. we got there at like 9? maybe. it was kind of far away. we went through 2 different ones, one was like all blood and stuff, that one was scary i was like SHAKING, it was so bad. the second wasn't as bad cause it was clowns and stuff. there were these glasses that you would wear cause it was 3d but everything was all tripppy looking with them on so i didnt wear them. haha. i got home at like 12? and passed out. uhh, so SUNDAY. fucking SUCKED. i did nothing, i woke up at like 1ish. went home to mommmys at like 2? andd litterally sat on my computer and did nothing. i have to fold laundry and shit now. and do homework... andn shower. SO i'll write tomorrow [: <3


p.s. dave told me to write about him, even though he was kidding. [:

[6]

i feel like writing alot.... hmpf. well, basically this week has been really lame. it got good, and now it sucks. i lost one of my bestfriends? pretty sweet. i feel like i'm losing more then one. cause now everyones taking sides which is rediculous, and i'm not telling anyone to do that. but understand where i'm coming from. theres, someone i love, loved. i don't even know what the feeling is anymore. ANYWAYS, he did somethings that i wasn't happy with. its not the fact that he did it, its the fact that 2 weeks before, he claims he ' loves me ' which is obviously such bullshit, and doesnt get why i'm pissed. yes, we're not going out anymore for almost a month, but then when you make it seem like you love me and shit and then go and fuck around with some girl that WAS one of my bestfriends. its just not the right thing to do. whether or not thats what you were trying to do, its still not what you do. and now its not even the point that you did that. its the point that i've seriously gotten to the point that i dont ever wanna talk to you again, because you don't seem like you give a shit. its sad, the fact you were my BEST friend, and now i cant even look at you. because youre not even trying to see why i'm mad at you, or what you did wrong. constantly asking ' why do you hate me ' isnt gonna make me wanna answer you, say something you mean, even though you KNOW what you did. and youre prolly just trying to make me even more pissed off. i dunno. i'm not gonna try and fix anything with you. i said what i had to, and i'll let you decide what happens from here. if its that important to you then you'll fix it. if its not, then now i know you dont care, you never did and you lied to me just like everyone else has. i realize alot of my friends treat me like shit. and i'm kind of getting sick of it. i don't know what i'm gonna do, but somethings gonna have to change. i got in a huge fight with my mom too. she's been asking me so many questions about everything, and i went downstairs to get ... cold pizza. rofl. and she questions me about everything, and says she wants to talk to me, and i'm all like NO i dont wanna talk to you. thats why i go to therapy. ect. ect. and i was SCREAMING, and crying, and all that fun shizzat. and my mom was like trying to hug me and i was like yelling at her to stop. and she didnt so i moved, and like ran, and she grabbed my arm, and i took my hoodie off and left my house. it was .. quite fantastic if you ask me. NOT. i made brownies. lol, and then my stepdad was like WHATS HER PROBLEM, and im like yo you are. well, not really. i wanted to say it so bad. and my dad says we have plans tomorrow night, and i'm sleeping at his house.... after i have plans. thanks for not telling me till the day before [: i appriciate it. obv not. i think i'm gonna go eat brownies. and watch nightmare before christmas, cause thats what i watch when i'm pissed off. rofl. whatever. i guess i'll write in this tomorrow or something? bye.

[5]

uhhh this picture doesn't apply O_O today was interesting. my moms gonna shut the router off though, so idk if i can explain it now. haha well, YOURE A WHOREEEEEE [; and i pretty much hate you. i'm so past done with you. i'm not even gonna lie about it. i'll write tomorrow about everything . <3

[4]

schools lame, i really don't like it. but then again who DOES like school? not too many people. today was boring, it seemed like the day took forever..... woot. not. my phone was like DEAD all day. shet. new all time low music video, is really great. not gonna like. i have alotta homework, that i really don't wanna do. well no, just global. >_< maybe i'll do something productive. GOODBYE.

[3]

today, was a reallllly sucky day. i kind of have alot to say though. ^ FTSK <3333333333 i need to stop telling people things, that i know aren't true. until they get to the point where what i think becomes true. also, i really have no idea why i have friends. i'm annoying, i make no sense. i can be a good friend, but i get irritated easily and i have my own problems to deal with, when i can't help other people with theirs it makes me feel like complete shit. i need to change myself, and how i am. i have t o be more positive, and not all negative all the time. the things i do need to be because they make me happy, not because they make other people happy cause thats what i seem to do. i dunnno. somethings gotta happen. i can't live how i do any longer. on another subject, schools really stressful, i felt really sick at somepoints today. it sucked, just a little bit. theres not much to say about school... or anything recently. BUT, i actually do have something to write. maybe i'll put a picture..


so, see that kid in the picture? YEAH. well, that would have to be my bestfriend christian. and, even if i say i hate him so much, and that i'm never gonna talk to him again. i never mean it, cause i can't not talk to him. as lame as it sounds hes a huge part of my life and has changed alooooot. i'm not gonna go into a whole thing, but i thought that, i should say this here maybe? why not. i write my life in this blog anyways. but thats besides the point. whethere or not he'll see this is a different story but, i'm saying to anyone who actually does read this, you should know that i'd be no where without this kid, and i luff him. >_<


on aaaaaaa diffnote, i'm at my grandparents. i'm supposed to be printing stuff for my binders. oooops. and then i have us & math homework to do. and, my ipod to update. rofl. and ineed to sleep early, since i got about 3 and a half hours last night. wonderful. i'll update later. bai! xo.

[2]

>_< it got deleted. so i'll repost it.

rawwwwwr. you've made my life a living hell for the past 3 weeks, maybe a little more then that. i'm gonna say the past month. and i'm completly done with your shit. i give up. i love you, but i'm not gonna get hurt constanly when you could care less. i mentally and emotionally can't do it, and you know it too. i mean i was basically on my death bed, and you don't seem to care. you think everything is a joke and you don't take things seriously, expecially the things that you should. you don't realize what you're doing to me, it's pretty bad. i could say all this stuff about how much i hate you and now i don't wanna talk to you again, but i don't hate you. i'm more dissapointed in you that you're gonna let this happen again, the whole 'were not gonna talk cause i found some other person to replace you.' when you said all this stuff that made it seem like that was never gonna happen again. i'm done. the best part is youre not gonna read this and you won't know any of this. bottom line, if you wanna talk to me, i'm here for ya. i'm not saying i'm gonna wanna talk to you, or that i'm gonnna go back into being ' bestfriends ' with you or anything like that, because i don't know if i ever will at this point. unless you can dramatically change my mind about it, and in that case, good luck. i'm not forcing you to do anything, untill you show you care, i'm not gonna either. go fuck with someone else's life because your done fucking up mine.

[1]

new blog, new school year. i have alot tosay, this is gonna be written in more then one post. cause its alot. haha. SO. my bestfriends are pretty awesome. i love them, just a little. haha thats a complete lie. i'd be dead without them, seriously. i've known some for longer then others, and some have impacted me more then certain people. but they still mean the world to me. i've been with alexa alot recently, we've gotten alot closer this summer, we're like twins in a way. we go through the same things, its kind of cool to know i'll always have someone who has been through the same things as me, it helps me get through things a little better. shes straight out with me about things, even if she knows its gonna hurt me at the time being, it's better off for me in the future. i learned that last night. its the truest statement. but, i'lll always be there for her, and i know she will too. andandand, i've gotten to be alot closer wif mike tooo. rofl. i think he knows more shit than anyone does about me, and i've only known him for a few months. hes a really good friend, and i know he'll be there for me alla time too. i can talk to him about basicallly anything, and i know he'll try to help meh. even though everything might seem to be falling apart right now and you're not happy, it'll happen. you have to stay positive and don't sweat the small things in life. i'll be here for you always, whatever you need. you're basically like my little brother and i love ya. OH. and donyell. i love her too, we've been through a pretty decent amount of interesting things. i love her too, new friends ftw. she makes me chuckle.. slightly. and i could list 28321983 things shes said, or we've done in the... two times we've hung out and i'd prolly cry from laughing so hard. i'm lame i know, i've gotten to be better friends with simone too! i enjoy that alittle bit more then alot. rofl, shes so nice to everyone and she says some pretty funny things. i love her too. haha, and amy amanda have been there for me though SO much, and i love them for that. <3